Photos of Olya, Horses Are Dicks

Some time ago when Dana and I were still dating, we drove to Nashville to visit her dad’s family on their farm.  I had really started to pursue photography as a serious hobby and brought along the first DSLR I’d ever owned because I thought the farm would afford some interesting shots.  Plus, they had horses, which I thought might be cool to work with.  I’ll preface this by saying that I was still in that weird place with her dad where I had to prove myself (actually still there!) and I felt as if he was analyzing my every move with skepticism. (Still is!)

This is right before she lost her fingers.

There were four horses.  The biggest goddam horses that I’ve ever seen.  Bigger than the ones that make the beer in the snow.  These horses are like furry dinosaurs stuck in a pen.  An electrified pen, on which I promptly shocked myself.  (Good start!)

With my camera in hand I walk out to the middle of the pen and start taking photos of three of the hellbeasts grouped together.  They slowly amble towards me and I’m thinking it’s probably going to be okay.  Suddenly, I hear a blood-curdling whinny and see the boss-horse running towards the group and me.  The group, terrified, races towards me.  The ground shakes.  Everything is in slow motion.  I’m pretty sure this is how it ends.  I’m about to be trampled by these ill-behaved bastard farm animals.  I close my eyes and pull my arms in, trying to make myself as small as possible.  All I hear is the thunder of hooves around me and I feel their tails whip by my face and then it’s over.  I start breathing again and look around to see Dana and her father laughing hysterically at my near death scenario.  Seriously, laughing so hard.  If I was a person that used the word “guffaw,” now would be the appropriate occasion.  Just chucking it up while I’m standing there with my own pee running down my leg, covered in horse-froth, glad to be alive.

They still bring this up at almost every family gathering.  Everyone likes to go around the table telling their own version of it.  So you can imagine my reservations when we wandered upon this white devil-steed.  Olya, however, didn’t give a shit.  She was feeding him and touching his face and getting all in his horse grill.  I stayed a healthy distance back from him and used a super high shutter-speed to counter my quaking knees.  I know your game, horse!

Livebooks crashed really hard yesterday and most every photographer associated with thier hosting services were SOL for the day.  While I’m writing this my site is still down, so I’m hoping by tomorrow you can click the image and check out some more of the shoot.  Cross your fingers.

Hair and makeup by the lovely Sara Lander.

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